Tuesday, February 17, 2009,
So much going on in my mind, it's like a thought invasion I don't even know where to start or what to write about. This is probably not gonna be the first or last time, you see me write this either, people always tell me "I think to much" and my response always is, "that they think to little" good rebuttle don't you agree? but damn, I think i'm starting to agree. Everything hit me today, from relationships (boyfriend - girlfriend, girlfriend - girlfriend, how ever you like it) and school, success, life, love, hate, babies, future, careers. My mind was a battlefield and every topic was trying to take center stage at one time. So i'm gonna give a summary to each. You may wanna get a drink, snack, or something because this may take awhile, I may just post the start now because I got to crash I got school in the a.m.
Okay i'm gonna start with my whole problem with school, if you don't know i've been in it for awhile, just as anyone else but my time has been prolonged. And I blame no one else but myself, it's not because i'm a bad kid, I don't pick fights, I dont get suspended, etc. It's because I am scar'd, I know your probably sitting there going wth? well I read my horoscope and it really touched me because this is much of the reason why i'm being affected so much it says : "It is likely that you are being held back by certain traumatic events of your past. Before you will be able to make further progress in your life, Simone, you must address these painful memories once and for all. If it feels too frightening to do so on your own, by all means seek professional help. You will find that mustering up the courage to do this difficult emotional "housecleaning" is more than half the battle." I've been holding on to my past for so long the I never took time to realize the affect it was really having on me, and I let it hold me down for years. But i'm thinking about re-joining councilling again, while I was in it - I was getting back on track, but I feel myself slipping, again, slowly...
Now onto relationships, I see all the smiling faces, all the romance, and I wonder why I don't have that. But then I already know my answer, it's because of "me" and no one else, i've turned down, neglected, mistreated many chances of love. And yet, I continue to do so, before I was open to love, I would explore my options. But now, I think i'm more set on a 'me myslef & i' mentality. It's been me, and I think until I figure out myself, and better myself, and get everything on track, it's gonna continue to be me. But there is one person that is always there for me, someone I know I can talk to, depend on when I need them there, no matter ups and downs, and they really make me think, and I know that they will read this, so maybe it's time I make it, 'me myself & you' ? But then jealousy, comes to play and everyone that knows me knows that I have a major issue when it comes to that, call it 'self insecurity' but the simplest thing will have me questioning, I don't like seeing you half dressed in pictures, I don't like the negative time I get with you, I wish there was more time, I wish I still felt special when talking to you, I wish for alot of things, but I know I must play my part as well...
Babies, pregnancy is a beautiful thing, 9 months of a beautiful bond - created between a fetus to an embryo to your beautiful fully formed blessing with their life supply, their home, the one who is holding up their surroundings, their Mother. I must start off by saying congratulations to three of my lovely girlfriends, who are getting to experience this, carrying another life, carrying themselves in a smaller form, going from daughters to beautiful mothers. You three know who you are and I love all six of you, and I will be with each of you on the most important day, the start of, the entering of your fresh start, new life, and new love.. the birth of your child.
& The rest, is coming soon...
Okay i'm gonna start with my whole problem with school, if you don't know i've been in it for awhile, just as anyone else but my time has been prolonged. And I blame no one else but myself, it's not because i'm a bad kid, I don't pick fights, I dont get suspended, etc. It's because I am scar'd, I know your probably sitting there going wth? well I read my horoscope and it really touched me because this is much of the reason why i'm being affected so much it says : "It is likely that you are being held back by certain traumatic events of your past. Before you will be able to make further progress in your life, Simone, you must address these painful memories once and for all. If it feels too frightening to do so on your own, by all means seek professional help. You will find that mustering up the courage to do this difficult emotional "housecleaning" is more than half the battle." I've been holding on to my past for so long the I never took time to realize the affect it was really having on me, and I let it hold me down for years. But i'm thinking about re-joining councilling again, while I was in it - I was getting back on track, but I feel myself slipping, again, slowly...
Now onto relationships, I see all the smiling faces, all the romance, and I wonder why I don't have that. But then I already know my answer, it's because of "me" and no one else, i've turned down, neglected, mistreated many chances of love. And yet, I continue to do so, before I was open to love, I would explore my options. But now, I think i'm more set on a 'me myslef & i' mentality. It's been me, and I think until I figure out myself, and better myself, and get everything on track, it's gonna continue to be me. But there is one person that is always there for me, someone I know I can talk to, depend on when I need them there, no matter ups and downs, and they really make me think, and I know that they will read this, so maybe it's time I make it, 'me myself & you' ? But then jealousy, comes to play and everyone that knows me knows that I have a major issue when it comes to that, call it 'self insecurity' but the simplest thing will have me questioning, I don't like seeing you half dressed in pictures, I don't like the negative time I get with you, I wish there was more time, I wish I still felt special when talking to you, I wish for alot of things, but I know I must play my part as well...
Babies, pregnancy is a beautiful thing, 9 months of a beautiful bond - created between a fetus to an embryo to your beautiful fully formed blessing with their life supply, their home, the one who is holding up their surroundings, their Mother. I must start off by saying congratulations to three of my lovely girlfriends, who are getting to experience this, carrying another life, carrying themselves in a smaller form, going from daughters to beautiful mothers. You three know who you are and I love all six of you, and I will be with each of you on the most important day, the start of, the entering of your fresh start, new life, and new love.. the birth of your child.
& The rest, is coming soon...
10:49 PM