Tuesday, March 3, 2009,
She says she could "love me"
He says he could "love me"
They claim they could "love me"
But they can't "love me"
If I can't even..
"Love me"
-Sja
They claim they could "love me"
But they can't "love me"
If I can't even..
"Love me"
-Sja
Another day to face, 24 hours of endless thoughts in its own way there tormenting me as they go through my head, thoughts of my life before, now & after. From great times to horrible disasters, breezing through the pages of the story of this girl once filled with non-stop laughter. It seems just as soon as it gets good in the beginning of the chapter something turns it all, its almost like for this poor girl the draft to the song of her life will never be mastered.
Finally, she makes that first step to begin her day, she figures after she prayed the day should be okay. Now shes standing infront of the mirror and is captivated by her reflection. She takes a deep breathe & slowly examines ever flaw seeing what more she can find wrong. Self esteem is unknown to her, she sees no beauty so she believes in no beholder, she will never know of beauty within. & This is how her day begins it leads to a day filled with nothing but thoughts of the dissapointment she is to herself & her mother.
She knows she can make it out of where she is, But does she bother? Instead, she ponders on what went wrong, could go wrong, will go wrong. With no hope of change, no hope of better days. They always say brighter days will come one day, But her days have turned into weeks Her weeks into months & Her months into years, Time she spent shedding endless tears .. Drowing her soul in her own constructed hell.
What she doesnt realize is that with all her misery, shes hindering herself from where shes supposed to be, shes a smart girl her mother hears it from her former educators all the time with her marks ranging from 80 and higher she tried to go back and everything was going good but then she let go, she let her knowledge go as she slipped into her depression once more. Another year gone, she could have been with her friends throwing her hat in the air with her grad gown on. Diploma in hand ready to take the next step in her life, Head on but no. Not her, instead she weeps stays home and puts her knowledge to no use. So to relieve all the pain she bleeds out - but when she cuts she feels no pain it's her escape from her rainy days.
But who would have known that this girl had so much built up inside, She doesn't let it show she just lets it eat out her insides while shes alive. Walking with her plastered on smile as if everythings fine, when under her epidermis nothing is right. Weirdest thing about it is,even when shes out & having fun now that she feels those rainy days are gone theres still that piece of her that longs for that song to be mastered and for her life to be replastered but now she knows her time is not to far gone and her brighter day will soon come.
This was a look into "her".
©sja™
8:09 PM